"Marriage Apology"

Today i started the week, by reflecting what I'm done and caused. I had a fight my beautiful X-wife. Now don't get me wrong i still care for allot. I just hurt allot too.

I kinda said some things to her to set her off. Not because i could, but because i love her. I set her off so i could get her to say what she has been saying inside for so long. I Was able to get her to to tell me that she hates me. I really didn't want it to come to this, but at the same time i know there is no turning back. I have lost someone very special to me. I really don't want this person to leave me life, but i do love her enough to set her free, if that means making her mad at me so be it.

I know that allot of what happened in our marriage was caused by me. It is funny that as a marriage couple we cannot see truly what the other is really feeling, or going through. She was in such pain due to medical issue's. My stress was due to me not being able to support her and my kids the way i wanted to. I feel that i had allot on my plate, i was working 2 jobs, and was never home, But i would've done more. I could have gave that all up and and listen with my heart to what she was telling me... Honey, i don't feel well, and something must be done" What i heard was I Don't feel good and you need to fix this!
Over and over again i heard this, not really listening to what she was trying to tell me, and because i let this fester and boil up in me I did things I'm not proud of.

Allot of you may may abandon me after you read this and i don't blame you if you go. I physically abused my wife. I grabbed her and hurt her numerous times. I continue to ask myself why did she leave.. I know why as i think about those times. I know you are going to read this, and this is me telling you "I'm Sorry"!!
I 'm sorry on so many level you cannot begin to comprehend. You, and I truly have no idea what the other is going through right now.

I am sorry for the following things:

I'm sorry i was not THERE for you, I'm sorry that i didn't listen to you, i mean really listen, I'm sorry for not loving you in a way that you received love, I'm sorry for not being the man u knew i was. For yo having to give ruby up. Not showing you that were truly appreciated by me, and that only you mattered I'm sorry for not being there when i was needed. For not being more sensitive to to you, For not living for god in the first place. Sorry for the "other girls" that u thought were more important than you. Sorry for Causing yo all this pain, and suffering your going through now.

What i NOT sorry for;
I'm not sorry for sharing my most wonderful memories with you, For being part of your life, and you showing me what really was out there. I'm not sorry that i still love you, no different than the day you left. I'm not sorry for sharing you and my children and impacting there life. ( they still ask about you, and talk about you when i talk to them.)

I will move on in life, but i know god will not let me forget you, or let you leave, to many things have happened for me to forget yo so easily and just discard, and forget that you were part of my life. I am happy that we spend time together, but I'm sorry we ended it the way did. I will always be here for you, not that you will EVER need me, but i want you to know that I STILL LOVE YOU!

You will always be an important part of my life, and one of the best things to grace my path....Thank yo again for all yo did......Goodbye