Closer

Have you ever noticed that the closer that you become to some people the further away you draw yourself. I know that in life time i have have many friends, and during that time i have been able to become close to allot of people. many of these people have been women, i am always a great friend and friend that nobody wants to lose.

Why is that as a friend i can never get close to woman. I am Single and have 5 days left on 1yr long single trip that i have promised God. I want to know why that all the females find me as a good friend but not date material. Why is that I cannot find happiness but I'm able to find happiness for my friends, It is miserable being that person that is not able to find happiness for myself. There are many people that are close to me in my life. But it seems that i am only friends to them all.

I know that god loves and I love god, but why must i subdue these hard time. I just want that girl in my life that is perfect for me. I cannot see that is is in front of me, i always want what i cannot have, and I'm tired of it. Every time i find a place that god has me why is that i am dragged from that spot to a empty place.

There is a girl my life. She is the person that i thought i wanted, but i have decided that she is not able to love me like i need to be loved. There is only one person that still has my heart and will til the day that we pass from this world. You know how u are if you are reading this.

I find myself struggling with issue in my life, and feel that i don't have the support system that i feel that i had with you. I am still an empty vessel no matter i dress the outside. I need help and i need you both in my life. Please Save me from myself/