Today is another beautiful sunny day. I am once again, I feel left alone and broke. Today is my heart is broken again. It is not a new thing, for my heart to hurt, but new because of the distinctness i feel. Today is really a my day to vent what i am feeling.
Before reading please scroll down and click 2x on "Whatever It Takes" by Lifehouse.
Today's Blog is brought to you by Lydia, my ex-wife. As those closest to me know I was recentley divorced. this was not by choice but rather by force. This is not something i wanted to happen. .I donot feel any ill will or hatred, instead I feel joy, and happiness. Not due to the separation, but because what it caused me, to see. It took so much to focus all my engery and to lose everything. I have fond a new joy because of what is missing in my life. It is God. I have talked abot what i always wanted, but i never imagined at what cost it would come. I love lots of things, but to find this i had to lose "The Most Important Thing In My Life....Lydia, my WIFE".
Now I still talk to her, and email when something important come up. But she has made it clear that she wants nothing to do with me. I have spent almost a year by myself, not only a promise to her but god. I can honestly say my heart is never going to heal, the scar that was left there will remain for ever. It is like a reoccring event everyday i get up. I wake up alone, I spend my day trying to heal. I find myself making and losing ground. To be clear my heart and I miss you, nothing is stronger on my heart than trying to get back my wife. yo are my current in life, and god will not let you go. I still know that he wants us to be together.I cannot force you to love me, nor will I. I wish my love in supporting what you want. My heart and mind are much stronger and loving than ever before.
Now so you all know it was not just her that caused our seperation. It a was because of the things I did in our marriage. I know that yo will read this However i found the meaning of this scripture:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I can honestly say from my heart this is how i feel about her. I truly honor this verse with her. I cannot control how she thinks and feels about me. However as god says; I will never change these feeling about her. She will always be my everything.
In closing I will say say this LOUD, and PROUD
"Lydia, despite how you feel about me, One thing will never change I WILL FOREVER LOVE YOU. With my entire heart and soul. I will never give up on yo or god. Whatever happens will happen, and if i never see you again so be it. I have the memory's of us and When god says it is time, then and only THEN will i move on.
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